The women waiting behind always had the hardest lot in my eyes, as it is the waiting for the outcome, the waiting for the account of the dead, and the necessity of dealing with it which is worst, in my honest opinion. They have given birth to those who died, and they don't have nebulous concepts of honour to help them trough the worst of it. At least they do have each other, like you show so well, and can take strength from each other.
Your tale shows this sorrow and grief very clear, all the heartache and fear which can't be avoided, but must be endured. And to think your son dead, only to hear him having survived in this manner, and then having died after all - could anything be worse?