Holy shit! You are one of the few people who manage to mix creepy and funny in the right ratio. And the mix of archaic and modern language styles is hilarious. Favorite line: "Fëanáro seemed to be playing along in order to receive free stuff, yet his father Finwë had refused to make the journey to Olive Garden, sending in his stead an email message conveying that he willed not to come forth from Formenos Spider Ranch until such time as his eldest son was offered full-time employment at Two Trees." Next time I need to cancel something I'm going to send in my stead an email message conveying that I will not to come forth.

Oh, and Ungoliant is a...mynah bird. XD

Oh, and it's extra amazing that this all has seemingly nothing to do with what I saw yesterday on Twitter: