That may all be true, but every story (even a short one) needs a strong character voice. (And this is not just me talking; I read profic author blogs, and publishers. It's what people want to see).
By a strong voice I mean whatever the personality of the character, it needs to jump from the screen or page, and make people interested in knowing more about them. Often that can be achieved by emotional or physical conflict, which is also something every good story needs. Now here, there's no strong voice and no conflict.
Námo seems surprised that H is not afraid of him, but there's nothing to be afraid of. He acts like a kindly uncle. There's no reason for the Elves to fear him at all, since his province is the souls of the dead and he is Doomsman of the Valar, he does not have a death touch, or death-glare.
The only person who's died in Valinor is Miriel at this stage, and if Elves are dying in Middle-earth the Elves of Valinor don't know. I doubt death is something they think of very often or at all. Námo is not concerned with their bodies, because that's not part of his 'job description', so why would they worry if he walked past them? So H's being special due to the fact that she doesn't fear him makes no sense. Also he exudes no aura of being ominous in this. If he were the Námo of the Silmarillion, or a Hades figure, then her lack of fear would make an interesting story, but as it is, Námo is not in the least scarifying. Thus there's no conflict, and no strong character voice. They all sound placid and 'nice.' I can't differentiate your OFC from you, when you write your daily blogs. Strong character voice and a sense of conflict are vital in good stories. You have said many times you want to improve as a writer, and mentioned that you want to write o-fic. But fanfic or o-fic, I think it's vital you really spend time building your character 'voices', so that they are unique and interesting, and the reader wants to follow their stories. If you really want to write o-fic find a writers blog where they discuss it (and many other aspects of writing).
Also, telling: there's a lot of telling in this. There's a place for telling, but it gets boring very quickly. I am not going to argue with the quoted author below because I agree with him, and because of who he is.
“Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.” – Anton Chekhov.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2012-03-24 08:59 am (UTC)By a strong voice I mean whatever the personality of the character, it needs to jump from the screen or page, and make people interested in knowing more about them. Often that can be achieved by emotional or physical conflict, which is also something every good story needs. Now here, there's no strong voice and no conflict.
Námo seems surprised that H is not afraid of him, but there's nothing to be afraid of. He acts like a kindly uncle. There's no reason for the Elves to fear him at all, since his province is the souls of the dead and he is Doomsman of the Valar, he does not have a death touch, or death-glare.
The only person who's died in Valinor is Miriel at this stage, and if Elves are dying in Middle-earth the Elves of Valinor don't know. I doubt death is something they think of very often or at all. Námo is not concerned with their bodies, because that's not part of his 'job description', so why would they worry if he walked past them?
So H's being special due to the fact that she doesn't fear him makes no sense. Also he exudes no aura of being ominous in this. If he were the Námo of the Silmarillion, or a Hades figure, then her lack of fear would make an interesting story, but as it is, Námo is not in the least scarifying. Thus there's no conflict, and no strong character voice. They all sound placid and 'nice.' I can't differentiate your OFC from you, when you write your daily blogs. Strong character voice and a sense of conflict are vital in good stories.
You have said many times you want to improve as a writer, and mentioned that you want to write o-fic. But fanfic or o-fic, I think it's vital you really spend time building your character 'voices', so that they are unique and interesting, and the reader wants to follow their stories. If you really want to write o-fic find a writers blog where they discuss it (and many other aspects of writing).
Also, telling: there's a lot of telling in this. There's a place for telling, but it gets boring very quickly.
I am not going to argue with the quoted author below because I agree with him, and because of who he is.
“Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.” – Anton Chekhov.