B2MeM 2012: 'Waste Paper II' by Himring

[hhimring]

B2MeM Challenge: G51: women who survive (Women of the Silmarillion)
Format: Vignette
Genre: Character Study
Rating: Teens
Warnings: none
Characters: Nerdanel, Mahtan
Pairings: Nerdanel/Feanor
Summary: Maedhros has been re-embodied and is living in Tirion in Fingon's house. Where is Nerdanel?

Nerdanel glared at the formless lump of clay, gave another vicious twist to the crumpled piece of paper in her hand, scrunched it into a ball and hurled it into the far corner where two dozens of its ilk already lay assembled.

‘Nerdanel?’ Mahtan’s quiet voice came from the doorway.

‘Yes, Father. Is it time for lunch?’

‘Nerdanel,’ her father said again, ignoring her reluctance to discuss the subject this time. He had been watching her proceedings without comment for weeks. ‘Why now? For thousands of years, you’ve sculpted the Valar, you’ve sculpted men, women, children, animals and plants. Why now, when at last there is a live flesh-and-blood son awaiting you in Tirion? Why does there need to be a statue of Feanaro now, right now, when you have felt no need to try, it seems, since he died?’

Nerdanel stared at the lump of clay on her worktable.

‘For thousands of years, Father, it did not matter. It did not matter whether I should never have married Feanaro in the first place, whether I should have seen his madness coming and done something to prevent it, whether I should have refused to bear his children. Or whether I should have fought him harder for them—for every single one! Or whether I should have stayed with him and gone to Formenos with them, whether I should have followed them to Middle-earth…

It did not matter. It was over and done with. To continue to ask these questions would have been pointless, mere self-indulgence.

But now I have a live flesh-and-blood son awaiting me in Tirion. And I need to know, I need to know how I feel about these things, I need to know what my position is. I cannot just go to Tirion and stand in front of Maitimo and let my feelings overwhelm me—whatever they happen to be!

I do not even know whether this lump of clay wants to be a statue of Feanaro. But before I have found out what it wants to be, before I have finished this piece of sculpture, I will not know and I cannot go to Tirion and face Maitimo.’

‘Very well, Nerdanel’, said Mahtan, heavily. ‘But I myself have a flesh-and-blood grandson awaiting me in Tirion, you know. I have questions, too, but I won’t get any answers to them until I go and see him face-to-face. I don’t at all wish to have to explain to Maitimo why I am here and his mother is not. But if it takes you much longer, I won’t wait for you. I will go to Tirion by myself.'


Note: 'Waste Paper I' has not been written or posted yet.

Comments

[engarian.livejournal.com]

I have a feeling that the meeting between Maitimo and Nerdanel might be quite difficult. It's a good thing that Maitimo will have Fingon to help him through it.

- Erulisse (one L)

[hhimring]

If you think Nerdanel is making things difficult, wait until you've seen Waste Paper I! And, yes, it's a good thing that Maitimo will have Fingon to help him through, as that story confirms once again...
But meetings that cause people to tie themselves up into knots beforehand can actually play out quite undramatically, at least on the surface.

[silver-trails.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is perfect! :)

[hhimring]

Perfect? Thank you very much--what a compliment!

[blslarner.livejournal.com]

I can appreciate her questioning of herself. What a moment to anticipate--the release of her first son from Mandos!

[hhimring]

It is a very critical moment for her, yes.
Thank you for reading and commenting!

[alasse-mirimiel.livejournal.com]

Love how Nerdanel will figure out how she feels about everything through her art. On the plus side, it's better she takes her time, Maedhros needs it too.

[hhimring]

I don't sculpt, of course, but I imagine artists do that sometimes as (some) people who write do.
Considering what condition Maedhros was in (in my 'verse) when Fingon collected him from Lorien, yes, he would have found it very difficult to deal with encountering his mother right away.

[angelica-ramses.livejournal.com]

Poor Nerdanel!

I cannot just go to Tirion and stand in front of Maitimo and let my feelings overwhelm me
Maybe she should, though Maitimo would have a lot of trouble coping with the situation at the moment. I tend to agree with Mahtan, though.

[hhimring]

Although I allowed Mahtan to have the last word here, I did not intend to come down squarely on one side or the other. Different approaches work for different people, in such situations. My version of Nerdanel has a tendency to over-think things, certainly. But that is a tendency she shares with her oldest son!

[burning-night.livejournal.com]

I like your realistic Nerdanel :D

[hhimring]

Thank you! Glad to hear you find her realistic!

[huinare.livejournal.com]

Well done. I love your Nerdanel (have you written much about her before?)

[hhimring]

Thank you! The only other story of mine in which Nerdanel has a major part as a character is "The Walls on Amon Ereb" (on SWG) here. It features a conversation in which Nerdanel tells Maedhros she's leaving Feanor (warnings for bleakness).
There have been a couple of (less bleak) glimpses of her as a mother and artist in other stories.

[huinare.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the link *bookmark* ..this entire month is just giving me a backlog of stuff to read! ...Tell the truth, I'm not big on the Fëanorians (*glances around uneasily*) but for whatever reason I've always liked Nerdanel.

Hey, bleak I can do.