I-22 Crack Fic Bingo Card, Unlikely pairings

[grey-wonderer.livejournal.com]

B2MeM Challenge: I-22 Crack Fic Bingo Card, Unlikely pairings
Format: Ficlet
Genre: AU
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Characters: Thranduil, Legolas, Gimli, others
Pairings: Numerous
Title:  "For the Good of Our People"
Summary: Thranduil gives Legolas a task to perform.  He doesn't care how it is done, only that it be done quickly.



“I’m serious, Legolas.  Something must be done for the good of our people,” Thranduil sighed.  “They are everywhere and we must rid ourselves of them as quickly as possible.  They are disrupting the peace even more so than the spiders.  They do not belong within the borders of Mirkwood.”

“What would you have me do, Father?” Legolas asked.  “You should know well enough that I do not encourage them, nor do I invite them.”

“I realize that, my son.  All the same, they are here and I can think of little else to do, save releasing the spiders upon them.  They come seeking an audience with you and until you allow them what they wish, I fear we shall not be rid of them.  It pains me to place such a burden upon you, but unless you should wish to sail now, I can think of no other solution,” Thranduil said.

“I do not wish to sail.  I shall remain in Middle earth until my dear friend, Gimli departs and I am pleased to say that his health is excellent at present,” Legolas smiled.

Thranduil frowned.  Of late his son had been the cause of many queer events in Mirkwood.  This dwarf, Gimli, being a welcome guest in their forest, was but one of them.  The other matter was far more troubling.  “Dwarves, hobbits, and now these,” he paused and waved a hand as if to dismiss those he wished gone.  “I have no issue with the dwarf.  I have accepted his presence in our midst, but the two of you cannot continue to hide here in the forest any longer. Those which you seek to avoid must be dealt with or soon they will find their way into our halls and I cannot sanction that!”

“They are most persistent,” Legolas nodded.  “I shall attend to this situation at once.  It would seem I have little alternative save to face them and be done with it.  Gimli and I have places we much see and commitments to honour.  You are correct that I cannot remain hidden here.”

“Then I can expect this to be over within the next few days?” Thranduil asked.  “If not, the spiders are my only recourse.”

“Yes, Father,” Legolas said.  “You may expect to have the forest restored to its normal state within a few days.”  

He then took his leave and made his way directly to the location where the unwanted visitors were waiting.  The idea was not so repulsive as one might suspect.  It was unusual, but in some instances, he suspected that it might be very pleasant.  More than a few of them were quite attractive and some, while not so pleasing to the eye, were doubtless very skilled.  He must hurry though.  Two days was just enough time if he kept at it and did not rest. When he arrived, Gimli was waiting, holding the visitors at bay.  Really, Gimli‘s part in all of this would be the most difficult.  The dwarf would have all of the effort and none of the rewards.

***********

“My Lord?”

“Yes?” Thranduil looked up from his reading and found before him one of the younger elves.  He was not more than eight-hundred years of age and just beginning his service to the wood.  He was, if Thranduil recalled correctly, in charge of patrolling the southern borderland of Mirkwood.  Thranduil did not at this time recall the young ones’ name but he knew his face.  “What is it?”

“There is a great disturbance near the area where the unwanted visitors have been camped,” the young elf reported.

“What manner of disturbance?”

“Wailing and moaning and screaming and all types of sounds.  There has been no rest from it since it began,” he said.  “Even the spiders hear it and move away.  It sounds rather primitive and slightly depraved.”

“Ignore it,” Thranduil said.  “It will be over in another day or so.  Legolas is attempting to rid us of our unwanted visitors.  I did not request a report as to how he might be doing that.  I only requested that he get it done as quick as may be.  Whatever his method I shall not question it nor shall anyone else.”

“Yes, my Lord.” The lad bowed and left quickly.

**********

“Do you need anything more to eat or drink, laddy?” Gimli asked.  He looked very concerned for his dear friend.  It was true that Elves were immortal but they could die if injured.  None of this could be good for Legolas.  There were so many of them!  He did admire the lad’s stamina though.

“I will be fine, Gimli,” Legolas sighed.  “That last one was, shall we say, enthusiastic?”

“From the sound of it all, I’d say she was deadly,” Gimli said.  “Those scratches on your arms look painful.”

“They are now, but during the, ah, event, the experience was quite pleasing, even arousing,” Legolas said fondly.  “I would have *that* one return to the end of the line if time allowed.”  He smiled.

Gimli sighed and shook his head.  “We'll have none of that, Laddy.  We must be done with the lot of them as soon as possible, and you’ve still at least a hundred or more to go as it is.  They’ll be no time for repeat adventures.”

“Very well,” Legolas said, looking disappointed.  “Send the next one to me.  I am ready.  I must remain strong for the good of our people.”

Gimli shook his head in wonder.  There were songs of the grace of the elves and songs and tales of their love for nature, but their were no songs that Gimli knew which told of their uncommon stamina during sex.  Perhaps he would write such a song once this was over.

He walked from the tent and looked at the next lass in the long line.  “Your name?” he asked.

She giggled.  He hated the ones that giggled.  “Marcie,” she chirped.

“He’ll see you now, Margie,” Gimli said.

“It’s Marcie, not Margie,” she corrected.

“Aye, well, Marcie, it is your turn now.”

“Do you suppose he’ll sign this photo I have?” she asked holding up a glossy image of Legolas shooting an arrow from his bow.

“If that’s want you want, then I’m sure he’ll sign it,” Gimli said.

“And this one for my friend who couldn’t come?” Marcie asked.  She displayed another photo, this one of Legolas in profile, leaning against the trunk of a tree.

“And that as well, Lassie,” Gimli sighed.  “Just go on in and see him.”

As she rushed past the weary dwarf, the next young woman in line said, “Excuse me?”

“You’ll have to wait your turn,” Gimli sighed.  “He’s seeing his fans one at a time.”

“What if my girlfriends and I want to go in as a group?” she said.

The dwarf’s eyes widened.  “How many of you?”

“Just three,” she said.  “We do everything together and we all love him equally so we thought we could share him, stay in with him three times longer.”

Gimli blushed.  “I’ll have to ask him when he's finished with-”

“Oh God!  Oh God!” Screams from the tent interrupted Gimli and he waited until he could be heard.

“I’ll ask,” Gimli said quickly.  “If he’s willing, then there’ll be no problem at all.”  He walked away from the them and moved closer to the tent.  Three at once!  Could Legolas really manage such a feat after a full day of sexual congress with all of these human females?

The fans of the race of Dwarves were not so numerous nor so quick to rush into sexual acts and Gimli had to admit that he was slightly envious of his friend’s luck.  On the other hand, he was also relieved.  He doubted that he could manage to keep his own flag hoisted long enough to service this many eager lasses.  It was a good thing the elves were immortal because this much sex would kill a lesser being.

GW     03-03-2012

Comments

[dreamflower]

Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear! *ROTFL*howls hysterically*wipes eyes*

Poor Legolas! But is he sure this will get rid of them all? What if they enjoy themselves so much they refuse to leave?

[grey-wonderer.livejournal.com]

True, but Gimli said, only one time in line so, once you've seen the Prince of Mirkwood, you have to leave. *sniff*
Thanks for reading.