"Without Forethought She Sang", by Himring

[hhimring]

B2MeM Challenge: B2MeM 2016 Memories. B2MeM 2012 BINGO. Women of The Silmarillion: (I23) Women of Valinor;
Women of Arda: (N36) Indis; Talents and Skills: (I26) singing; Canon Couples: (B3) Finwë/Indis
Format: Drabble (double drabble)
Genre: Character Study.
Rating: PG
Warnings: reference to canonical character deaths
Characters: Indis of the Vanyar, Finwe's second wife (and his widow)
Pairings: Finwë / Indis
Summary: After it's all over, Indis returns to where their courtship began, on the western slope of Taniquetil.
Creators' Notes: Also for the Female Protagonist Challenge: Elf at Tolkien Weekly.

She enters the garden by herself, with faltering steps, like an invalid’s after long sickness. She stands where she once stood, opens her mouth… Her voice sticks in her throat.  Less resolute than she believed, how can she sing, now?

She remembers too well how love coloured the world, once—hopeless, but complete in itself, unflawed. Now, first unexpectedly fulfilled and then shattered, it sits heavy in her bones, leaving her heart frail and empty. Dare she sing again, here where it all started?

A has-been, is she not? No longer a queen, no longer a wife, no longer a...

No, she still retains a tenuous grip on motherhood! But dare she sing again as she sang then, in her simplicity, not knowing the consequences? Now that she knows: how love breaks and law breaks, death and darkness and war. And although this garden seems untouched, high on the mountain, nothing is the same.

Time to stop singing? Here alone in the garden where it all began, all that is left to her is her voice. But is this the time to give in? She stands proud like a queen before an audience of thousands and launches again into song.

A/N: The title is a quotation from "Morgoth's Ring", from one of the versions of the story of Finwe and Miriel. It is described there how Indis, an accomplished singer, who has secretly and hopelessly loved Finwe for a long time, sees him approaching and bursts into song. However, their marriage, being Finwe's second marriage, caused dissension and ill feeling among the Elves, which was later exploited by Melkor.

Comments

[kayleelupin.livejournal.com]

Oh, how lovely and sad this was...you have me in tears. Poor Indis. :(

Kaylee

[hhimring]

Thank you very much, Kaylee! I'm glad she has your sympathy!
Perhaps unnecessary to say--by the title, I don't mean to imply in the least that Indis could have foreseen how things would eventually play out. But the hindsight must have been rather overwhelming to her.

[silver-trails.livejournal.com]

Beautiful story! =)

[hhimring]

Thank you very much! I'm glad you like it!

[curiouswombat.livejournal.com]

Poor Indis - I have always felt so sorry for her.

[hhimring]

I think there must have been good times--a long period in which she and Feanor mostly just stayed out of each other's hair, before Melkor was released.
But it is hard to have the fundamental basis of your life questioned like that--and the end was clearly very bitter.

[engarian.livejournal.com]

I had never been particularly fond of Indis, but I really liked this view of her. The unexpected strength she shows here, overcoming her personal tragedy to move onward, is lovely.

- Erulisse (one L)

[hhimring]

Thank you very much, Erulisse!
I'm glad you liked this view of her!
I think she found it very hard to move onwards, but she did.

[zdenka]

I liked this! You've made Indis's emotions very understandable here as she tries to find the courage to sing again.

[hhimring]

Thank you very much!
I'm glad it was understandable--it struck me how much her singing would be associated with that moment when she committed herself to her love for Finwe--and that she would not find it easy to disentangle all that for herself, afterwards, when so many things had gone terribly wrong.

[blslarner.livejournal.com]

Oh, but I love this idea of how Indis and Finwe found one another!

[hhimring]

It's a lovely scene and it's a bit of a pity that it didn't make it into the published Silmarillion.
Here's a slightly longer quote:
His [Finwe's] coming was unheralded and unforeseen; and when Indis saw Finwe climbing the paths of the Mountain, and the light of Laurelin was behind him as a glory, without forethought she sang suddenly in great joy, and her voice went up as a song of the lirulin in the sky.

[Sorry, edited for typo]

[nialoke]

This is so heartbreaking, and yet hopeful at the same time. I hope Indis will be able to find a degree of happiness again, even after all that has happened.

[hhimring]

I do think she will work out a way to live with it, eventually, and even a degree of happiness.
Thank you very much for reading and commenting!

[independence1776]

I love that Indis sang! But I want to give her a hug regardless.

[hhimring]

Thank you!
I'm sure she'd appreciate the hug!