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b2memB2MeM Prompt and Path: Orange Path, Personal Essay
Format: Essay
Genre: Meta
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Characters: N/A
Pairings: N/A
Summary: I discuss my personal history in Tolkien fandom and hint at what the future holds.
History obliterates
In every picture it paints
It paints me and all my mistakes...
...I survived, but I paid for it.
-- Hamilton, The World Was Wide Enough, Lin-Manuel Miranda
I consider myself to have really become involved in Tolkien fandom in about 1998, when I participated in and started very early Yahoo!Clubs, as they were known then, just as the rumour of LOTR movies was only rumours, back when it was fanboys as far as the eye could see and the concept of writing explicit sex in Middle-earth was pretty nearly inconceivable or at best only a matter for ridicule and humour. (Okay, most of the guys were pretty decent, I exchanged a Christmas card or two with some of them, they only quizzed me about my knowledge ONCE because I clearly knew more than they did, and there were only a few attempts to hit on me but they were so amateurish and I was so naïve that I didn't even understand what they were trying to do at the time.)
That was literally half a lifetime ago. From there, it's been a saga: from Yahoo!Clubs and rereading the Tolkien Sarcasm Page because it was literally the only thing that mentioned erotica in connection with Middle-earth, even if it was a joke, to starting tolkien_slash and Least Expected, to being 'outed' to my dad as a slash writer and undergoing six months of trying desperately to remain active in fandom whilst hiding that I was doing so, to escaping, first to another state, then to another country altogether -- I'm not sure the world is wide enough for me and my father -- to retreating and recovering, to understanding the trauma I'd experienced, learning how to deal with it and overcome it.
And at last to finding, in early 2015, that my love for Tolkien's world is as strong and as deep as it has always been, and that I have so much more to say about it than I ever dreamed, and finally I have people to say it to. It's not just fanboys anymore. It's not even just the small group of people hiding from the angry mob that was pre-movie Tolkien slash fandom. It's not really the wave of migratory slash fans who swept through LOTR movie fandom and abandoned it just as fast when a newer, shinier thing came along. It's people who have thought about this world deeply in the same way as I have, who have looked at the books and the movies and alllllll the backstory and the rough drafts, who have read the History of Middle-earth series with the same excited breathlessness as I did, sitting on the floor of my local library in 1995, worlds I didn't even understand opening up to me when I read about Túrin kissing Beleg on the mouth.
We are all products of our pasts. I am, at the same time, that breathless 15-year-old in the library, that naïve 18-year-old searching for something that was waiting for me to create it, that 20-year-old making it happen, that 22-year-old escaping and hiding, that 28-year-old finally beginning to understand that what had happened to me was traumatic, that 32-year-old taking steps to heal and recover, that 35-year-old rediscovering a joy thought lost, and this 37-year-old looking back and reflecting, and looking forward with excitement and joy for the future.
If I've learned anything, especially over this last year, it's that history is fragile. It can be obliterated, wiped out, changed, so easily. People's memories are fragmentary, easily malleable, and if efforts aren't made to retain information, it can and will be lost. My own story changes subtly every time I tell it, because I've changed, because I remember different things, or fail to remember things.
Frodo gives instructions to Sam, at the end of The Lord of the Rings, almost as the very last thing he does or says in the book. He says to "keep alive the memory of the age that is gone, so that people will remember the Great Danger and so love their beloved land all the more." Now, we in Tolkien fandom don't have actual Sauron to contend with, but our great danger is loss all the same -- the loss of people, information, events. To love what we have, we have to understand where we've come from.
Within a couple of weeks, there will be a relevant announcement regarding Tolkien fannish history that I'm not yet at liberty to divulge. But I'd really like it if we took the opportunity now, before anything more is lost than has already been, to make sure we preserve what we can of our fannish history. If you can, update or create a page on Fanlore, including something about your own fanworks, or your favourite character, or knowledge about fandom that perhaps only you have. Were you around for the MEFAs? I wasn't, maybe you can help there. Were you in Tolkien fandom on Tumblr in 2012 or earlier? Are you a fan artist, a fanmix creator, a cosplayer? Do you know anyone who is? Were you around in Tolkien fandom in the early 2000s or before, even just as a lurker?
We all love our beloved fandom -- that's why we're here, after all, participating in Back to Middle-earth Month. And while I've loved it, I've also neglected it a bit. I've tried to put the past away in a box and pretend it wasn't there, but that isn't fair to me, it isn't fair to fandom, and it isn't fair to the past. To fully appreciate where I've come from, and how far Tolkien fandom has come, I need to follow Frodo's instructions, and keep the memory alive.
B2MeM Prompt and Path: Orange Path, Act of Kindness
Format: Essay
Genre: Non-fiction
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Characters: none
Pairings: n/A
Creator’s Notes: Originally posted at my Tumblr yesterday.
Summary: As an Act of Kindness, I did some stuff on Fanlore.
So one of the suggestions for an Act of Kindness for @backtomiddleearthmonth was to create or update a page on Fanlore. I haven’t really done anything with Fanlore before, probably because I knew that once I did I would be totally hooked on it.
...I’m totally hooked on it now. I have a deep and abiding love for fannish history and I couldn’t resist the chance to add some of the knowledge I have and allow for its preservation.
So I made a few pages:
For characters: Fëanor, Nerdanel, Finwë, Míriel, Maglor, Celegorm, Caranthir, Curufin, Amrod, Amras, Beleg, Fingolfin, and Fingon.
For fans: @alackofghosts, (Alackofghosts) @thearrogantemu (Arrogantemu), @imindhowwelayinjune (LiveOakWithMoss), and um, myself (Amy Fortuna).
For communities/other things: @innumerable-stars (Innumerable Stars) and tolkien_slash.
(These are all embryonic now, but I will be developing them as I can.)
I have PLANS. As I have time over the next few months, I will be adding more characters, fans, and communities and trying to bring Tolkien fandom, particularly Silmarillion fandom, up to date on Fanlore. It would be great to have some hands to help with this, because it’s a monumental task.
I think I worried for a long time that adding in information about stuff I was present for or did would be a bit egotistical, but I’ve changed my mind about that – it’s not about ego, it’s about preserving our fannish history and legacy. Someone on Fanlore’s been kind enough to keep an article on Least Expected, as well as some other things I did back in the Elder Days, and I’d like to make sure that current and recent fandom history is preserved as well.
You matter. Your work matters. Even if you’ve only written a few Silmarillion stories or drawn some fanart, your work is important and worth preserving, not just for our viewing and reading pleasure today, but because people in the future will think of it as valuable. Believe me, as someone who wishes they had done more to preserve the fannish history I’ve been a part of, I know this is true. And I’m infinitely glad I preserved the bits I did, because they were worth saving.
We have a great and glorious fandom, full of creativity and beauty, and we should do all we can to hold on to it. Tumblr, as a medium, is terrible for holding on to things, so we need to counteract that, and this is one way to do it.
Format: Essay
Genre: Meta
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Characters: N/A
Pairings: N/A
Summary: I discuss my personal history in Tolkien fandom and hint at what the future holds.
History obliterates
In every picture it paints
It paints me and all my mistakes...
...I survived, but I paid for it.
-- Hamilton, The World Was Wide Enough, Lin-Manuel Miranda
I consider myself to have really become involved in Tolkien fandom in about 1998, when I participated in and started very early Yahoo!Clubs, as they were known then, just as the rumour of LOTR movies was only rumours, back when it was fanboys as far as the eye could see and the concept of writing explicit sex in Middle-earth was pretty nearly inconceivable or at best only a matter for ridicule and humour. (Okay, most of the guys were pretty decent, I exchanged a Christmas card or two with some of them, they only quizzed me about my knowledge ONCE because I clearly knew more than they did, and there were only a few attempts to hit on me but they were so amateurish and I was so naïve that I didn't even understand what they were trying to do at the time.)
That was literally half a lifetime ago. From there, it's been a saga: from Yahoo!Clubs and rereading the Tolkien Sarcasm Page because it was literally the only thing that mentioned erotica in connection with Middle-earth, even if it was a joke, to starting tolkien_slash and Least Expected, to being 'outed' to my dad as a slash writer and undergoing six months of trying desperately to remain active in fandom whilst hiding that I was doing so, to escaping, first to another state, then to another country altogether -- I'm not sure the world is wide enough for me and my father -- to retreating and recovering, to understanding the trauma I'd experienced, learning how to deal with it and overcome it.
And at last to finding, in early 2015, that my love for Tolkien's world is as strong and as deep as it has always been, and that I have so much more to say about it than I ever dreamed, and finally I have people to say it to. It's not just fanboys anymore. It's not even just the small group of people hiding from the angry mob that was pre-movie Tolkien slash fandom. It's not really the wave of migratory slash fans who swept through LOTR movie fandom and abandoned it just as fast when a newer, shinier thing came along. It's people who have thought about this world deeply in the same way as I have, who have looked at the books and the movies and alllllll the backstory and the rough drafts, who have read the History of Middle-earth series with the same excited breathlessness as I did, sitting on the floor of my local library in 1995, worlds I didn't even understand opening up to me when I read about Túrin kissing Beleg on the mouth.
We are all products of our pasts. I am, at the same time, that breathless 15-year-old in the library, that naïve 18-year-old searching for something that was waiting for me to create it, that 20-year-old making it happen, that 22-year-old escaping and hiding, that 28-year-old finally beginning to understand that what had happened to me was traumatic, that 32-year-old taking steps to heal and recover, that 35-year-old rediscovering a joy thought lost, and this 37-year-old looking back and reflecting, and looking forward with excitement and joy for the future.
If I've learned anything, especially over this last year, it's that history is fragile. It can be obliterated, wiped out, changed, so easily. People's memories are fragmentary, easily malleable, and if efforts aren't made to retain information, it can and will be lost. My own story changes subtly every time I tell it, because I've changed, because I remember different things, or fail to remember things.
Frodo gives instructions to Sam, at the end of The Lord of the Rings, almost as the very last thing he does or says in the book. He says to "keep alive the memory of the age that is gone, so that people will remember the Great Danger and so love their beloved land all the more." Now, we in Tolkien fandom don't have actual Sauron to contend with, but our great danger is loss all the same -- the loss of people, information, events. To love what we have, we have to understand where we've come from.
Within a couple of weeks, there will be a relevant announcement regarding Tolkien fannish history that I'm not yet at liberty to divulge. But I'd really like it if we took the opportunity now, before anything more is lost than has already been, to make sure we preserve what we can of our fannish history. If you can, update or create a page on Fanlore, including something about your own fanworks, or your favourite character, or knowledge about fandom that perhaps only you have. Were you around for the MEFAs? I wasn't, maybe you can help there. Were you in Tolkien fandom on Tumblr in 2012 or earlier? Are you a fan artist, a fanmix creator, a cosplayer? Do you know anyone who is? Were you around in Tolkien fandom in the early 2000s or before, even just as a lurker?
We all love our beloved fandom -- that's why we're here, after all, participating in Back to Middle-earth Month. And while I've loved it, I've also neglected it a bit. I've tried to put the past away in a box and pretend it wasn't there, but that isn't fair to me, it isn't fair to fandom, and it isn't fair to the past. To fully appreciate where I've come from, and how far Tolkien fandom has come, I need to follow Frodo's instructions, and keep the memory alive.
B2MeM Prompt and Path: Orange Path, Act of Kindness
Format: Essay
Genre: Non-fiction
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Characters: none
Pairings: n/A
Creator’s Notes: Originally posted at my Tumblr yesterday.
Summary: As an Act of Kindness, I did some stuff on Fanlore.
So one of the suggestions for an Act of Kindness for @backtomiddleearthmonth was to create or update a page on Fanlore. I haven’t really done anything with Fanlore before, probably because I knew that once I did I would be totally hooked on it.
...I’m totally hooked on it now. I have a deep and abiding love for fannish history and I couldn’t resist the chance to add some of the knowledge I have and allow for its preservation.
So I made a few pages:
For characters: Fëanor, Nerdanel, Finwë, Míriel, Maglor, Celegorm, Caranthir, Curufin, Amrod, Amras, Beleg, Fingolfin, and Fingon.
For fans: @alackofghosts, (Alackofghosts) @thearrogantemu (Arrogantemu), @imindhowwelayinjune (LiveOakWithMoss), and um, myself (Amy Fortuna).
For communities/other things: @innumerable-stars (Innumerable Stars) and tolkien_slash.
(These are all embryonic now, but I will be developing them as I can.)
I have PLANS. As I have time over the next few months, I will be adding more characters, fans, and communities and trying to bring Tolkien fandom, particularly Silmarillion fandom, up to date on Fanlore. It would be great to have some hands to help with this, because it’s a monumental task.
I think I worried for a long time that adding in information about stuff I was present for or did would be a bit egotistical, but I’ve changed my mind about that – it’s not about ego, it’s about preserving our fannish history and legacy. Someone on Fanlore’s been kind enough to keep an article on Least Expected, as well as some other things I did back in the Elder Days, and I’d like to make sure that current and recent fandom history is preserved as well.
You matter. Your work matters. Even if you’ve only written a few Silmarillion stories or drawn some fanart, your work is important and worth preserving, not just for our viewing and reading pleasure today, but because people in the future will think of it as valuable. Believe me, as someone who wishes they had done more to preserve the fannish history I’ve been a part of, I know this is true. And I’m infinitely glad I preserved the bits I did, because they were worth saving.
We have a great and glorious fandom, full of creativity and beauty, and we should do all we can to hold on to it. Tumblr, as a medium, is terrible for holding on to things, so we need to counteract that, and this is one way to do it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2017-03-21 03:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-03-21 11:39 pm (UTC)I'm clueless about Fanlore, though someone did make a page for me ages ago which I see is out of date - but then again, so is my website.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-22 02:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-03-22 02:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-03-24 09:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-03-28 03:57 pm (UTC)(And thanks for crossposting the second part!)
I did a few Tolkien things on Fanlore a couple of years ago, but gave up in frustration when some of the factual changes I made were later watered down to make it sound like opinions. So I gave up apart from the B2MeM page. I'm the pretty much the only person who deals with the Young Wizards page, though, and I do my best to update that every year or so.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-31 01:00 am (UTC)I'm so glad you found your way back.