The Birth of Gollum by Dreamflower

[dreamflower]

B2MeM Challenge: Card B-10, " Déagol and Sméagol"
Format: Dialogue
Title: The Birth of Gollum
Genre: Gapfiller, Angst
Rating: G
Warnings: N /A
Characters: Sméagol/Gollum
Pairings: N/A
Summary: How long does it take to still a guilty conscience?

The Birth of Gollum


"Sméagol?"

"Déagol? What is it Déagol? Where are you?"

"Sméagol?"
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"Déagol? Come back! Come back!"

*****
"Sméagol?"
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"Déagol? What do you want, Déagol?
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"Sméagol?"

"Déagol? Go away! Leave me alone!"
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*****

"Sméagol?"

"Déagol? Where are you?"

"JUST A NASTY DREAM, PRECIOUS. GO BACK TO SLEEP; (GOLLUM)"

"Sleep? Sméagol is … no, I am weary, so tired…"

"Sméagol?"
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"Sméagol? Why did you hurt me?"
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"NOT LISTENING, PRECIOUS. WE'RE SLEEPING. (GOLLUM)
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*****
"Sméagol?"

"Déagol? Where are you?"

"JUST A NASTY DREAM, PRECIOUS. GO BACK TO SLEEP; (GOLLUM)"

"Sleep? Sméagol is … no, I am weary, so tired…"
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"Sméagol? Why did you hurt me?"

"I didn't * mean * to, Déagol. I… Sméagol… Sméagol didn't mean to hurt you. But you wouldn't give me the Precious…"

"Sméagol? Sméagol, you murdered me. See your fingermarks on my neck?

"No!"

"WAKE UP, PRECIOUS! DON'T DREAM OF SUCH THINGS! (GOLLUM, GOLLUM)"
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"Sméagol, we were friends! We were cousins! Why, Sméagol?

"Déagol…I…Sméagol is sor--NO! NOT OUR FAULT! GO AWAY!

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"Sméagol?"

"GO AWAY WE SAID! LEAVE US ALONE, PRECIOUS! (GOLLUM, GOLLUM) GO AWAY…*
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GONE? IT'S JUST US NOW, PRECIOUS, JUSST USSS…(GOLLUM)"

Comments

[blslarner.livejournal.com]

Ooh! A properly shuddery tale, this! Poor Smeagol, haunted by his deeds!

[dreamflower]

Yes, haunted until he couldn't take it anymore, and allowed Gollum to replace Smeagol.

[addie71.livejournal.com]

Gollum was such a weak soul, but I do feel sorry for him and the way his life was ruined by the Ring.

[dreamflower]

And yet, he could have resisted it. He was a hobbit after all. But he was not a very hobbity hobbit to begin with.

[azalaisdep.livejournal.com]

Hearing voices in his head, indeed... poor Smeagol. Creepy and original - well done!

[dreamflower]

Thank you very much!

[mews1945.livejournal.com]

Poor Smeagol, it's difficult to feel pity for him, even though he was a victim of the Ring too.

[dreamflower]

He was a victim of the Ring-- and yet he embraced his victimhood and chose to allow it to dominate him. I too find him difficult to pity-- but I am glad that Bilbo and Frodo are better than I am.

[aliana1.livejournal.com]

A suitably creepy inner monologue...dialogue? Trialogue? Difficult to tell, which makes it all the more effective.

[dreamflower]

Yes-- it's all him, in his head, which makes it a monologue-- yet there are three distinct personalities in there.

[febobe.livejournal.com]

Oh, now, THAT's thoroughly creepy! Yikes yikes yikes I'm now thoroughly freaked out!

Will post my own take on this prompt soon...I doubt it's anywhere nearly as creepy as this, though! WOW. :D

*hugses*

[dreamflower]

Hope to see yours! I am finding it *really* hard to keep track of everyone's b2mem fics, there are so MANY all at once!

((hugs back))

[huinare.livejournal.com]

I love this! The typefaces differentiating the three inward voices and the weighty asterisk pauses are great. And it's very appropriate that Sméagol graduates from "I" to speaking of Sméagol in the 2nd person. Excellently executed all round.

[dreamflower]

I wanted to make this straight "dialogue" without using any descriptions or "he saids", so using different types seemed easiest. And I tried the pauses without asterisks, and they just looked odd, so I added those.

I wanted to try to show that by making himself think of himself in second person, he was trying to distance himself from the "Smeagol" who'd killed his friend; but it gave an opening for "Gollum" to take over.

[huinare.livejournal.com]

I think the asterisks did work really well, they help create a sort of visual map of the "conversation" (this does almost strike me as skirting the edge of visual art, too).

I wanted to try to show that by making himself think of himself in second person, he was trying to distance himself from the "Smeagol" who'd killed his friend; but it gave an opening for "Gollum" to take over.

Aside from being a nifty psychological device, it helps explain Gollum's odd speech patterns.

I'm sorta repeating myself a bit, but, yeah, really thought this was innovative, bears repeating.

[engarian.livejournal.com]

It is so difficult to portray schizophrenia in just words (sorry about the spelling) but you did a marvelous job.

- Erulisse (one L)

[dreamflower]

You spelled it just fine! And thank you very much!

[grey-wonderer.livejournal.com]

So very true! Everyone pushes unpleasant things from their minds now and then in order to survive or just to move on. This is wonderfully done. *applause*