The Lay of Leithian according to the Fëanorians, by Robinka

[binkaslibrary.livejournal.com]

B2MeM Challenge: zhie’s prompt: PWP with glitter somewhere in it.
Format: poetry/song.
Genre: parody.
Rating: adult.
Warnings: cursing; bawdy humor; implied sex and masturbation.
Characters: Celegorm and the choir of the Fëanorian brothers.
Pairings: implied Beren/Lúthien (ideally Celegorm/Lúthien ;) but nobody’s perfect).
Creator's Notes: this is probably the silliest thing I’ve ever written, so beware.

Apologies go to Professor Tolkien for profaning “The Lay of Leithian” and to Robert Plant and Jimmy Page for butchering their “Stairway to Heaven”. Those original lines with * to them weren’t changed at all because they fit (pun intended).

Thank yous go to dawn_felagund for the extra speedy beta and her great suggestions. Thank you! :)

This is dedicated to all the Silmarillion heretics in the world :)

Summary: Imagine, the Fëanorian gang sitting around a campfire, eating, drinking, and when mead goes to the head, Maglor thrums on a harp, and Celegorm, still pining for Lúthien in his own fashion, begins...

For a better effect, listen to the song and follow along with my version :)


There’s this elf-wench who stole our gemstone of old
And she did it with that mortal Beren.
If she got here, she’d know I could use a good blow.
[Chorus:] Job!
With a word, she would get what she came for.

Ooh, ooh, she’s decided she likes fucking Beren.

All the gals in the world, I do want her I'm sure,
'Cause none but her makes me think of reaming.
By the brook, in a glade, I did want to get laid,
[Chorus:] Sometimes all of his thoughts are misguided.

Ooh, she makes me fondle
Myself, she makes me fondle.

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,*
And my spirit is crying:

[Chorus:] “Leithian!”

In my thoughts, if you ask, it’s my dick in her grasp,
[Chorus:] And the voices of those who stand looking.*

Ooh, she makes him fondle
Himself, she makes him fondle.

She would whisper that soon, soon we could fuck in tune,
Bloody hell! I could see no reason
To deny her a romp. She wouldn’t wait too long
And the forests would echo with:

[Chorus:] Aah...

Eeh...

Ooh...

So unfasten your gown, don't be alarmed now,
This is spring which blooms for my queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run*
There's still time to change the road you're on.*

[Chorus:] And she makes him fondle...
Ooh...

My dick is throbbing, and it won’t go, in case you don't know,
It’s calling for my hand to join him.
Dear lady, I’d have you boned until your eyes shone,
Your moaning echoed in the whispering wind.

[Chorus:] And as we wind on down the road*
Our cravings bigger than our goals.
There walks this vixen we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show*
How everything still turns to stone.
And when she sees you’re very hard
The girl will come to you at last.
And all are one and one is all*
To be rock hard and give it a go.

Yet, she’s finding she likes fucking Beren…

----------
A/N: What’s with me and drunk Finwëans? First Celebrimbor, now the Magnificent Seven...

Comments

[openidwouldwork.livejournal.com]

*mutters*lecherous lot they were, those old elves, one sight of a good looking female and they forget all dutys... right, Mr. I-forgot-about-that-host-of-Teleri-waiting-for-me-after-seeing-a-pretty-thing-in-the-woods Thingol? What exactly were you thinking when you pulled your father-in-law of doom spiel on Beren, who fell for a pretty-thing-in-the-woods as well, huh?

[binkaslibrary.livejournal.com]

LOLOLOL! That pretty much summs up Thingol's attitude, yes. :D Thank you once again!