Book Blurbs – Noldor

[heartofoshun.livejournal.com]

B2MeM Prompt and Path: minimalist (blue path: artwork)
Format: digital art, with written copy (book reviews under the cut)
Genre: AU, humor
Rating: Gen
Warnings: no warnings apply
Characters: Maglor, Finarfin, Indis, and Finwë
Pairings: none so far
Creator’s Notes (optional): Chapter 4 – Noldor - Tea & Books Tirion’s largest bookseller is unable to meet demand for sensational new novel. Some call it slander, some call it art, and still others claim that under the sensationalism lies a blatantly political bias.
Summary:
These blurbs are written by a reader who is on the mailing lists of far too many publishing companies. Why not use some of the dozens of prompts of yet another annual B2MeM to design covers or ads, write ad copy, review, or draft summaries of books I would not be likely to write?

Noldor – book news


Bestseller Noldor contains incontinent alcoholics, sadistic brutes, depressive whiners, sex addicts, and greedy sociopaths. Some call it slander, some call it art, and still others claim that under the sensationalism lies a blatantly political bias. Not surprisingly, a few families most harshly dealt with in the book tried to halt publication. “It’s too much,” said Arafinwë Finwëan. “Most of it is not even true.” Tirion Herald Tribune.

Accordingly to a spokesman of the District Court of the Western District of Valinor, the book has already generated a plethora of lawsuits. “The publishers of Noldor were warned by the concerned parties, but ploughed on regardless. When novelists base their characters on real people, trouble tends to follow. However, this kind of case rarely makes it to court.” The Jurist.

Intercepted at the stage door of another sellout performance of his new rock opera and asked about the new book sensation Noldor, Macalaurë Fëanárion responded, “You know what they say! For an artist, any publicity is good publicity.” Indie Music News.

She's wise and glamorous and doesn't have time for trashy novels filled with gratuitous sex scenes and gossip. Queen Indis professed to be unworried by the sales of Noldor. “This will all blow over in time. These things always do.” Profiles in Style.

King Finwë seemed unruffled today by questions about the novel Noldor. “It is only a novel, which means it is intended as fiction. And the writer is not willing to acknowledge authorship. I have far more important things to worry about, like the critical issues in education today which we called this press conference to discuss.” Valinor News Today.

Comments

[shirebound]

“This will all blow over in time. These things always do.”

Very true! This is a hoot. Can I get a subscription to Valinor News Today?

[hhimring]

These are all great fun, Oshun!
I really like those quotations from the different publications here.
And the cover looks so nicely demure for something that racy!

[kayleelupin.livejournal.com]

Where can we subscribe to these publications? :D And I'm not sure I'd want to read this book! *lol* But it does sound fascinating to read ABOUT! :D :D :D

[bunn.livejournal.com]

“Most of it is not even true.”

REVEALING!!!

[samtyr.livejournal.com]

I love it already -- any chance for a gift drawing? :)

[lindahoyland.livejournal.com]

Love it.

[just-jenni.livejournal.com]

Hilarious! All of these are brilliant but I love this one most of all!

I couldn't help wondering - is there a Trump in the Silmarillion? If so, who is it do you think? (I suppose Sauron would be the most likely answer although I think he was based on Hitler, no?)

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

“Most of it is not even true.” LMAO!

Highly suspect cover :D Kind of book I'd hope to run into in the library rather than buying it (Do you think they have libraries over there?)

Anyone I can think of who could write this properly is no longer in the fandom. Very sad. It should exist.

[dreamflower]

I've been getting a kick out of these, but this is the first I've had the chance to review. It's hilarious, and absolutely delightfully wicked.

I think Steven Colbert would love it!

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

Ahahah, brilliant idea! I love the innocuous book cover and the promise of scandal. It's so believable.

On a more serious note, I do like both Indis' and Finwë's reactions. Wise people! Maglor also knows not to take things too seriously, clearly.

[foxrafer.livejournal.com]

The quotes about the book are fabulous. And the cover, once again, is so well done.

[starbrow.livejournal.com]

Haha, this is hilarious! Arafinwë's blatantly naive "most of it is not even true" is just fodder for speculation! The others are more circumspect, but I love Maglor's response!

[ysilme]

This is absolutely brilliant!

[curiouswombat.livejournal.com]

Oh I love the reviews so much! These posts of yours are making me so happy you cannot believe!

[independence1776]

I love the reviews!

[nialoke]

Oh dear, I love the cover for this one - so typical, the most scandalous books often look so deceptively inncocent! I also love everyone's comments, especially Maglor's and Finarfin's (poor dear, you're just making it worse XD).
Also I wonder who wrote this now. My guess is a reading group of bored Vanyar who just want to have some fun for once, too ;)