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B2MeM Challenge: ’Teleporno the Telerin elf, Shagrat the orc and Groín the dwarf have THE WORST NAMES imaginable. Do they form a support group, or organize an orgy--or does one devolve into the other? Any rating and any scenario that gets these three into the same room (or maybe pen pals would be more canon-compliant?) would be a perfect fill for this.’ - Zopyrus
Format: Ficlet
Genre: Crack
Rating: I’d say Teens, some with less crass sensibilities might say Adults
Warnings: Strong language, intimations of heinous sexual content (nothing “onscreen”). (ETA - beverage warning. Righto.)
Characters: Celeborn, Gróin, Shagrat, OCs
Pairings: n/a
Creators' Notes (optional): I can’t…
Summary: An Elf, a Dwarf, and an Orc commiserate over a failed business deal.

( "I ain’t having no part o’ this." )